Using your past to fuel your future
I’m such a bully...to myself.
This week I tracked my first thoughts as I woke.
Let me tell ya, it wasn’t good.
Phrases like I should have, I would have, I could have - played on repeat.
Diminishing phrases about the past.
I should be farther along.
I shouldn't have eaten and drank so much.
I wish that I had done that differently and so much better.
Our minds are full of negative bully talk—thoughts of how things could and should be.
How you view your past determines how much agency and power you have today.
Ninety percent of the 60k thoughts we have each day are in our subconscious, and most are negative thoughts about ourselves.
Should have
Would have
Could have
Those are all thoughts about us and our past.
The facts of our past don't change, but the thoughts you have about them can.
This is a gateway to growth for you.
You can shape how you think about your past
to help you shape your present and your future.
You can use your past FOR you and not against you.
Language is generative. Being mean to yourself is not helping you to create a better future. It's just mean. Nothing good comes from meanness.
The language or the thoughts you tell yourself today will create your future.
Managing the inner critic can be one of the most powerful tools for anyone who wants to live with more impact.
You have the ability to choose the value from your past.
When I - along with the entire senior leadership team - was exiled from Fast Company, I had a ton of thoughts. Thoughts of 'them' being so wrong. Thoughts of collected evidence of all of the things I’d done. And the Coulda, Woulda, Shouldas! That was then.
Today, I see that I created some of my biggest career accomplishments from that period. I also see very clearly that it was that experience where I learned that I would never work for someone else again, not because of the experience, but because I am my own agent who wants to make my own decisions. I now define and create my destiny. I see my past clearly now. I have chosen to see the value it has given me to create and build my business. I take that value to create my future.
Learning this is a practice.
Listening to your thoughts and how you talk to yourself is the first step.
Most of us don't know how badly we talk to ourselves until we listen and become aware. I led a Messy Mind workshop this week where we uncovered some of the ugliest thoughts full of the bully, disappointment, and bad.
It was hard.
Hard to hear and see.
But it opened up a conversation about being better to ourselves.
I work with clients to uncover the messy mind and to build a practice of bringing more intention to their thoughts and the outcomes they want.
We are not taught to be compassionate to ourselves. How to give ourselves more grace.
When you shame yourself with the shoulds, woulds, and coulds, it strikes at your self-worth.
Decide instead to have compassion for yourself. It's the antidote for the shoulds, which is shame in disguise. In her book Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown recommends taking Dr. Kristin Ness’ Self-Compassion test. Give it a go, and see how self-compassionate you are or are not.
Stop bullying yourself.
Listen to your thoughts. Put them down on paper, and leave them there.
What you said or didn't say, what you did or didn't do is in the past.
It’s up to you to reframe the thoughts of your past for today’s work and tomorrow’s future.
If you are considering working with a High-Performance Success Coach or want to know more about the components of a coaching engagement, let’s get on a coaching call. As a business coach for women entrepreneurs, Executives, and Teams, my proven engagement method is highly results driven.
The question I get most frequently is, ‘What results can I achieve?’ Here’s what one client shared:
“Coaching is by far the most ROI-positive investment you can make in yourself. Do it! Even if you go in with a specific issue or question, you will be amazed by how the process can change your thinking about who you are, your skills, and where you want to go.”
You can wait for life to no longer be hard. If you are a dreamer and a doer, let’s have a conversation.
High-performance success coaching and business coaching, and life coaching combined for massive value and impact on your life and business.
