High Achievers Reduce Negativity to Find True Joy
📢 Smile more.
📢 Be positive.
📢 Stay happy.
Society hammers these "shoulds" into us from childhood into adulthood and through our careers. As leaders, we encourage our teams to maintain optimism and positivity. But what if we're approaching well-being from the wrong direction?
The path to fulfillment isn't built with more positivity – it's built by removing negativity.
Neuroscience shows us our messy minds:
We have approximately 60,000 thoughts per day.
Of these, 80% operate in our subconscious.
95% of those subconscious thoughts are negative.
That's 45,000 negative thoughts a day, quietly shaping our perspective and how we show up.
We're wired for negativity, not positivity. Our internal villain at work.
Recently, my son received his annual review. He "exceeded expectations" in every category except one, where he "met expectations."
When I asked him to share the positive feedback, he immediately texted back five criticisms.
"Did you see what you just did?" I asked. [Always the coach!]
"Did what, Mom?" (read frustrated tone)
I had him scroll up to reread my question. He hadn't noticed that I'd specifically asked for positives, not negatives.
Even with a glowing review, his internal villain zeroed in on the negative.
This villain whispers familiar doubts throughout your day:
"I'm failing my team."
“No one listens to me.”
"I'm not cut out for this."
"That meeting was a disaster."
As Lewis Howes noted on his podcast, The School of Greatness, "When you add more water to dirty water, it's still dirty." Similarly, piling positivity on top of negative thoughts doesn't clear the mind.
Instead, try these strategies to reduce negative thinking:
Create a "Hype" folder – My first boss at Burson-Marsteller taught me this. Store positive feedback, reviews, and accolades in a folder on your computer with easy access. Review them when self-doubt creeps in.
Build a daily wins list – Document at least 10 victories, no matter how small. Make this a practice. Bring it to a journal or create a page on the notes section of your phone with a reminder pop-up at 8am/5pm. When you start with positivity, the mind approaches the negative thoughts in a much more positive way.
Watch your language – Instead of "I am terrible. I'm a loser. I suck." (attacking your identity), say, "That presentation needs improvement" (not about your persona, self-worth, or personal value -- but a focus on what you want).
Set micro-boundaries – Identify your negative triggers and create rules: No checking competitor updates before 11 am, or only review financial reports when fully focused. Invest the time in setting these boundaries, and the investment will change you.
Practice pattern interruption – When you catch negative thoughts:
Stand up and change your physical position
Take three deep breaths
Ask yourself: Is this thought helpful for my next action?
Tackle those messy emails and create more impact on problem-solving with this playlist! I use it in my workshops to help bring focus and create an environment possibility and positivity!!
I work daily to manage my inner villain. I've even named her: Teeny
Most days, I fall short.
But I persist because the days I succeed are filled with more joy – a feeling I strive for every day.
By reducing negative thoughts, you can create mental space for authentic positivity to emerge naturally.
It's not about forcing happiness; it's about clearing the path for it to find you.
