I'm frequently asked on coaching calls: “I want to build my confidence.”

This is a thought that most of us have at one point or another and has us staying in wait.

Waiting for it to come.
Waiting for it to give you permission to do the thing.
Waiting for the magic of confidence to go for it or for things to change.

This pressure to "feel confident ready" intensifies.

It doesn’t matter if you are an accomplished CEO, Entrepreneur or successful sales manager.
We all want confidence.

[We are all more alike than we are different. It’s why I can coach someone who is changing women’s healthcare, to coaching a Chef, a Chief Compliance Officer, a Chief Operations Officer, a Founder, all who work in various industries.]

What confidence is not...

Building confidence starts with learning what confidence is not.

Confidence is not a fact.
Confidence is not an outcome.
Confidence is not a constant (although we wish!)
Confidence is not a requirement for a job well done.
Confidence is not evidence of success.

Here are a few more of what confidence is NOT:

A prerequisite for taking action
A shield against failure or criticism
A measure of your worth or capability
The absence of fear, doubt, or uncertainty
Something that only appears after mastery
A trait that people naturally have and others don't
A guarantee of being right or making the right decision
Something that can be gained through external validation alone

What is confidence?

Confidence a feeling. Like all feelings:

It's neither good nor bad in itself
It responds to our thoughts and actions
It can change from moment to moment
It's just one part of our emotional landscape

It’s a feeling that comes and goes like happiness, sadness, anger, or delight.

Takeaway: Do not trade you’re proven track record of achievement for an elusive emotional state that may never arrive in the way you want or imagine.

That’s confidence in the mind.

You are confident

Here’s the funny thing about confidence. You are confident every day.

You are confident when you get on that outdoor bike, even if you haven’t ridden in a few years. You’ve done it before.

You are confident when you:

Make your morning coffee without measuring every step
Drive your car on a busy highway at 70mph
Give feedback to a team member you've worked with before
Use complex software you've mastered at work
Handle a difficult client conversation because you've done it before
Run a meeting with your regular team

Confidence shows up every day. But because you feel confident about it, you don’t acknowledge or recognize that you are, indeed, confident.

A behavior not an identity

Watch how confidence shows up in your language.

Consider these two sentences:

I’m not confident.
I’m not confident about my sales pitch.

The first punishes your identity.

The second reflects on an area to work on, a behavior.

There's a profound psychological difference between these two thoughts, rooted in both their framing and their impact on behavior.

"I am not confident" is a fixed, negative self-assessment that can become self-fulfilling.

"I am confident I can give a strong presentation" is action-focused and specific. This thought:

Directs energy toward the concrete task rather than self-judgment
Creates a clear mental image of success
Acknowledges capability rather than focusing on emotions

This subtle shift from identity ("I am") to capability ("I can") opens up possibilities for action rather than trapping us in a limiting self-image.

The Paradox

The Dunning-Kruger effect shows the confidence paradox:

Only 9% of people are both confident and competent.

Most high performers find themselves on the competent side yet lack confidence.

The cost is significant - missed opportunities, stalled careers, and mounting frustration.

The irony is that you've already demonstrated your capability through consistent achievement. Yet, you trade your proven track record for an elusive emotional state, paralyzed by an awareness of complexity that your less experienced (and often more confident) peers [or the judgy judgers] simply don't possess.

The next time you catch yourself waiting for confidence to arrive before taking action, remember: you're already confident in so many areas of your life.

You didn't gain that confidence by waiting - you gained it by doing.

That feeling you're waiting for is already within you, showing up every day in big and small ways.

Stop waiting for confidence's arrival. Start recognizing where it already exists. Then take that next step.

Because you don't need to feel confident to be confident. You just need to begin.

🚲 🚲 🚲 🚲 🚲 🚲 🚲 🚲 🚲 🚲 🚲 🚲 🚲

Ride with me...

"You don't come to MSK to be treated. You come to MSK to be cured.”

These words from Dr. Park in the ER five years ago changed my life.

March 1st will be the sixth year that Team Christina rides in Cycle for Survival to raise money for rare cancer research - every $ goes to research.

I was honored [and out of my mind nervous] to speak two years ago at the event. As a survivor talking to families, parents, sisters, and brothers of people who didn't survive, I had an enormous lump in my throat as I fought back tears and tried to share why it matters that we continue to work to beat cancer.

I would be humbled if you would donate to Christina's Team HERE. Anyone who donates $50+ will receive a signed copy of my book, For Success Sake!

Why High Achievers Struggle with Confidence