Overcome Self-Doubt and Achieve Your Dreams

Too many of us don’t achieve what we want — be it weight loss, that promotion, or that dream of writing a book or launching a company – because we don’t believe we can.

Not me. I could never do it. What if I failed?

Too many of us live in self-doubt. I hear about doubt from the most amazing people every week.

One piercing memory of doubting myself that stays with me like a hidden anchor was when my boss of many years at Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia left to work for the competition. I was her right arm and second in command for many years.

Could I do her job? Yes. Some would say I was doing a lot of it already.

Did I have the experience? Yes, and I was well respected and had earned every title change up until that time.

Could I manage the digital transformation happening in media at that time? Yes, I am a problem solver, and my superpower is seeing possibilities and turning them into achievements. I also handled crises well—six CEOs/EVPs in seven years, Martha's insider trading scandal, and years of annual layoffs.

Was I perfect for the role? No.

I wasn’t as connected with industry buyers as I believed I needed to be. This one piece, I believed, counted me out. I doubted that without it, I could ever succeed. So, I took myself out and never asked to be considered for the role.

The night before the all-hands-on meeting to announce the new hire, I asked my new boss what he needed from me tomorrow.

He told me to smile.

The searing pain of that moment is still piercing today.

Years later, a mentor, another previous boss at MSLO, said I’d likely have gotten the job if I had stepped up for myself and believed I was the right, best, and easiest person to put into it. She also shared that nobody handles Martha better, and that’s what was needed at the time—not connections.

I let doubt dictate my success. I didn’t believe in my ability to create the future I wanted.

I left soon after, as that boss didn’t believe in me either. His loss! His tenure was short-lived.

Doubting or believing.

Pick your hard.

It is hard to believe that success is coming, I know.

Why? Because belief is about believing in a future outcome.

Belief is believing ahead of time.

Ahead of outcomes - sales, new clients, revenue, your dreams - without certainty or guarantee.

It’s so much easier to doubt yourself. Doubt your dreams. Doubt your capabilities even when you want it so deep down inside of yourself.

That doubt leads to confusion, angst, overwhelm, tears, panic, and anxiety.

Those feelings have us staying put and in our comfort zone of discomfort.

Comfort in discomfort?

We are wired to keep ourselves safe from uncertainty or fear—to stay away from it—so we stay in comfort that is riddled with negative doubting emotions and feelings.

Our doubt is designed to defend itself.

Think about something you are doubting right now. When you do, your smart brain goes in search of evidence to support the doubt—evidence that is not true but a story, perception, or what they call in coaching circles a limiting belief.

Doubting is easy. There’s lower buy-in, lower demand for consistency, lower expectation, lower risk, lower growth, less decision-making, and less work.

I call this comfort zone fraught-safety.

It takes as much energy to doubt yourself as it does to believe in yourself.

The mind drama of doubt is as energy-sucking. The mind drama of belief leads to energy-momentum.

Letting go of belief in yourself costs you your dreams and your success.

Belief takes work, yes. Anything good in life does.

Belief starts with stacking evidence of your belief.

So pick that thing you want to believe in. Ask yourself:

- Where have I done this before?

- What characteristics/strengths/superpowers do I have to support me?

- Where do I believe already?

Success leaves clues - go in search of them.

I see non-believers skip this. Their minds tell them that what they’ve already accomplished has no value—it’s just what they did or do.

Start thinking on purpose to build your belief. Here’s a recent Sunday Sunshine to get you thinking about belief.

You create results - your dreams - from your beliefs.

That’s because having belief has you taking action towards the future you want.

Doubters taking doubtful actions create more of what they doubt.

So pick your hard! Do you want to stay in doubt or build belief?

For today, you can also borrow my belief in YOU.

This means thinking about yourself the way I think of you.

I believe YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.

It was like the sea parting to my becoming when I finally believed.

Today, borrow belief from me that you can achieve anything by looking for the evidence of your beautiful, accomplished, and powerful self.

If you are craving a pivot or a desire to make a change, consider joining me and Michelle Jacobs, Founder of Womaness, for a virtual conversation this Wednesday at 7:30 pm about the five steps to making a change in midlife. This talk is part of a Pause to Be Present 'What's Happening to Me' series. You can sign up HERE. Everyone attending will receive a soft copy of my book, For Success Sake!