I Just Don't Know
3 min read
Updated: Nov 16, 2021
‘I just don’t know.” Does this sound familiar: What if I don't make the right decision? I don’t want to make the wrong decision. I know I should….. What will people think of me? What if I fail? I just don’t know. These negative discovery questions are unproductive thoughts, and don't get you any closer to a decision. And I am not a fan of the word just. It diminishes you and doesn't get a decision.
You want to make the right decision, and not make the wrong decision. What does right or wrong even mean? Start there. Are you holding yourself in judgment? That's not a great place to make a decision from. Our brains are filled with 60,000 thoughts a day, according to neuroscience research. Even more interesting is that 80% of those 60k thoughts are on repeat. We say the same things to ourselves over and over again every day. Most of the thoughts are hidden in our subconscious.
And most decisions have already been made there. Decisions we think we are in conflict with have already been made subconsciously before we consciously make them. Think about this: When we get up from the table and walk, that’s a decision. We make it subconsciously and get up and walk.
The brain is wired for efficiency and just runs.
I went back and forth on investing in my coaching certification. An endless circle of questions in my head. Could I find the time? I worried about who I would be on the other side of it. While I knew I would grow and be different, I feared different. Worried about the money. What would people think of me? I feared failing. Could I be successful? Would I measure up? Is this the right thing for me?
Those thoughts were keeping me small. But I knew, deep down I knew, I was going to say yes. Subconsciously a decision had been made long before I recognized it, but I felt the battle in my head was necessary before I would grant myself the permission. Time wasted. Energy depleted. When I listened to my intuition, my inner mentor, that gnawing feeling, and got out of the questions holding me in judgment of myself, I let go of the negative thoughts and gave in. Entering my credit card was an easy first step to the extraordinary future I’m working towards living.
Google definition: Decision-making is regarded as the cognitive process resulting in the selection of a belief or a course of action among several possible alternative options. Decision-making is a process.
Be deliberate about your process.
Remove judgment.
Don’t fear it. Give into it.
Listen to your subconscious by writing as many thoughts around the decision on paper. Journal, draw a mind map, free-hand write about the decision. Putting the thoughts to all of your questions on paper will present you with data and begin the more thoughtful process of listening to what you want. Commit to giving space to the decision instead of the battle you think necessary before you make a decision that's already been made.
One important question I find helpful asking is: What will the decision mean to me today, next week, 5 months from now? Listen for the ‘buts’ that will come up in resistance to decision-making…and write them down.
Resistance is oftentimes an avoider.
Maybe the struggle isn’t with the decision but the what you’re avoiding.
Once you’ve made the decision, think about getting ahead of other decisions. Before they become rushed. Before the circle of questions. Proactive decision-making in pursuit of creating what you want for yourself.
Take back the willy-nilly of decision crisis. Don’t wait to clear your plate to make that decision that will have you moving forward. Get ahead of the decisions that zap you, hold you back and in judgment of yourself, and make you feel like you can’t make a decision.
This is living more consciously. Creating the life you want.
One last thing....Here are thoughts on going the extra mile. It's never crowded. Read more here.